Friday, 20 February 2009

It's all about Craigslist quality, not quantity

I've been slack so no posts for a few days, but sometimes even I have things to do. That's a lie actually, but anyway.

Throw the net out! You're bound to get one eventually.
M4W Cute asian girl....
Attention all cute asian girls. If you noticed a young tall attractive white guy checking you out it was probably me. Send me a message. Thanks

A great revenge tactic, except now you've told him your plan! Silly moo.
Chayns - w4m - 32 (FM1960)
I am not going up there tonight. However I will be there Friday night, after I have dinner with my girlfriends. I need to talk to you!!! I heard that you are married! Is it true??? If It is true I all can say say is that you are a dirty bastard. I will get you back. I am going to fuck a bunch of men, and then make you eat my pussy! You asshole!!!

Amateur public masturbator can't get a phone number AND cum. These losers make me sick.
you couldn't stop looking - m4w - 19 (houston )
you cought me masterbating at the park and I didn,t notice you at first and when I did I couldn't stop. You watched me cum and then you smiled and just walked away. I have gone back several times but have not seen you sence If you read this email me

I've cut this one short because it's long long long. But what a great catchphrase...
All Lovin No Oven - m4w
Me: normal guy in search of a tasty frozen treat, but nothing typical. Prefer a bit of a song and dance along with lots of mixens. You: the tasty frozen treat with lots of mixens. Location: US 1 between North Palm Beach and Cold Stone Creamery Situation: When I was first presented with the opportunity to delve into the delectable delight more commonly known as 'All Lovin No Oven' I couldn't help but get carried away in the fantasy of Cake Batter Ice Cream, Cookie Dough, Fudge, and Whipped Cream. So with eager anticipation, I wait for my tasty treat.... and that's just it; I wait. AND WAIT. Oh, why have you forsaken me!? I have pledged my allegiance to you several times even when being open about our relationship caused me to be ostracized and outcast; a leper of the frozen mixed treat world! I must also confess, that I take even more pleasure in knowing that a pimply faced teenager took such pride in crafting this parfait perfecti... O SHUT UP FOOL.

My new 'I wanna fuck' line.
Need a nut like yesterday - m4w
just need to get off smme if you a cry baby dnt reply! I wanna beat it like a cop so if you want the same hollaa!

Gingers are gradually becoming rare. Which is a shame if you're the red-loving dude below.
Heretic Friday Night - m4m - 30 (Cheshire)
Enjoyed rubbing on that big package and seeing those red pubes. Who was the nelly guy with you though. Are you a couple? Available on teh side?

So many things to think about here. Valentine's Gun Show? With your mother? Next week he'll be posting that he's the guy 'with the uzi, shooting up your college, I'm the blond one'.
Valentines day gun show - m4w
I was the guy in his 20's I was there with my mother u were working the ticket booth and I wanted to chat and see were it would of gone u are very very good looking I was probally the only guy there that age I have blond hair if that helps your memory

I like a he-she with a sense of humour. Great band name too!
SkeletonDickLiveAtRudzThursday - m4w - 22 (Rudyard's Pub on Waugh)
I think I saw you on THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19 AT RUDYARDS PUB at the SKELETON DICK SHOW. You bought me a beer. I was the one with the pants and the hair. You were female. If you are still female, please reply. If you are no longer female, please buy some duct tape and reply. Awaiting your DNA...

And finally, I'm a miserable cynic. The nice guy stole it, woman get a grip.
Scooter Crash Tuesday Night 10pmish - w4m - 30 (2nd and Market)
You held me. I was unconscious but only briefly they said. I dont recall much. other than some stranger holding me from behind cooing that everything would be ok. i cant tell you how comforting that silly statement was - over and over, 'you are gonna be ok.' once i got in the ambulance i dont recall seeing you - so here is my virtual thank you, in the highest form of thank yous. and since i am here, here is my 'go fuck yourself' to the douche that stole my cell phone during this horrific ordeal. thank you for adding to the difficulty.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Poetry poetry, o my love etc etc

Fuck me, today Atlanta was obsessed with writing poems for people that they're too scared to ask out in person. Come on pussies, grow some balls! I didn't put any of them in here because they were boring.

This guy stole all my best lines. Breeding koalas?
Your Grampa Invented Legos
We met at the USA Sevens on Saturday and you stored my number in your friends phone. You were fresh off the boat from Australia; I was the blond girl dressed in red, chillin with the cute asian girl. You claimed that your grandfather invented Legos (I doubted the validity of that claim, but thought that you were fun anyways... very easy on the eyes.). You also said that your friend's father breeds koalas. This is also doubtful, but regardless, I'd like to hang out again.

Not such an unusual advert on Craigslist, except they left out some important info, man or woman?

Awesome band name.
seeking goth girl at the NY comic con who had ur breasts signed - m4w (Greenwich Village)
you are awesome. check out my band, it's called Wormcult i'm on teh myspace

I'm not sure what you call a person who wants to have sex with trees, but I'm sure it exists. Any ideas people?
Home Depot Garden Dept, 6:30 pm - m4m - 50 (Coral Springs)
You: 6'1", probably 220", wearing a red longsleeved tshirt and driving a white BMW crossover Me: behind you in line at the outside register wearing an ugly purple shirt and red plaid shorts. I left in my white VW. Obviously I was playing golf earlier, hence the ugly clothes. You are too hot for my oven. I'd like to pour some of my palm tree fertilizer on you and see what grows or sprouts.

For years the popular British pass-time, 'dogging', hasn't taken off in the USA. Are we seeing the beginnings of something new and beautiful?
Haulover Beach Parking Lot (Haulover Nude Beach)
You walked up and peeked into our car while my girlfriend and I were fooling around after a day at the nude beach Sunday. You took your time changing at the car next to us. Did you like what you saw? Let me know what kind of cars you and I were driving and what you did as we pulled off so I know it's you.

This is the sort of message where he probably clicked 'confirm', then wondered what the hell he was thinking posting on Craigslist.

I like honesty.
I'm the ugliest guy on the Canarsie line - m4w - 24 (Bushwick)
But I've got wheels, and you want to go for a ride.

I just liked the person's name...
looking for Veronica Crump... - 43 (Lithonia)
Someone here must know Veronica Crump. Please let her know that I am looking for her. Thanks.

A brilliant advert, a great way to end the day.
I am man, I saw you woman, you looked and smiled! - m4w - 29 (Atlanta South to Macon)
If you are a woman that has had a sexual thought about a man lately and wondered if he would give you an orgasm or not? Then call me, cause I will and I am not that picky. Call: seven seven Ohhhhhhhhh, six six six, six six thirtytwo. I can come to you. I am 6'1" and white, 210 lbs, not fat, fairly athletic, with a high sex drive.

Monday, 16 February 2009

Valentine's Day Special!

Funny Craigslist Missed Connections adverts from Atlanta, Houston, New York and Miami. I'd like to say that love was in the air but...

Man has erection, will travel by rocket to your pants.
I Just Switched From Viagra To Cialis And...
I just switched from Viagra to Cialis (with a capitol C & V) and now my adventure capitol is flush with flesh. I'm ready for action at any time with out the need to prepare for an intimate encounter. Sort of like when I was 16, only I'm 55. Just one small daily dose and my rocket is ready for takeoff at a moments notice.

I've read some retarded things in my time. But trying to score drugs off Craigslist?
MC with My Dope Spot (Williamsburg)
Hey...I've been away from my favorite substance for years and have no clue where to cop and not get ripped off, etc. Anyone with advice, hit me back. Be willing to compensate someone who'd help.

Quite a normal nice advert really, but it's worth posting for using the phrase 'brain fart'. I have no idea what it means but I laughed. And that's all I care about.
Cute Girl Buying Phillies Blunt - m4w - 27 (miami)
Cute girl at the CVS off the US1 buying munchies and 2 cigars, you were wearing white shorts and sandals. You smiled at me and I must've looked like I didn't care, but I was running errands and had a brain fart. I should have said hello or something. I was the dude with the beard & striped shirt. Get back if you can, but if you can't, you have a wonderful Valentine's Day. :) 420

Paedophiles are so open these days!
uhd officer in the front - m4m - 24 (Downtown)
I love going to school to look at you in your uniform. Your really cute. If your into guys let me know.

'Walking like a proud shrimp'. Even has a picture of the mentioned shrimp. They look f*cking proud.
Horace the Manager of the Fish Deli
... you were walking like a proud shrimp today!--you walk so're shrimps today was too small or I would have got some just to fry the tails to perfection!....perfection! ps I will send a note to your bossman to tell him how gracias you are

Man stuck in relationship due to dependancy on man for money. Man needs a new relationship to get away from old relationship. Must have money. Frickin' moochers.
Marry UP - 25 (Montrose)
Hey guys, Hanging at Starbucks in Montrose. Trapped in a relationship I am forced to be in because my boyfriend takes care of me. I will be at Starbucks from 11-3 today. I prefer guys 30-55 who have a stable job and room in their place and heart for me. I cannot give out my number because my boyfriend pays for my cell phone and checks all the numbers I call. Please come by and rescue me. I need new relationship yesterday!!! My name is Geoff.

Jolie, you've outdone yourself
now you need to step down from your f'n high horse and start learnin' to lasso like a real cowgirl without all the cumbrous sentences. Jimbob was actually a good match for you even though he left your teeth in a cup at the motel in Jackson Hole. God Bless.

What sort of a bastard would take the piss out of a kid trying to get money to go to school? Me, thats who. Learn to spell chump, 18 years of school and you type this puddle of shite? And what the f*ck is going on with the picture??? Is the 'w' in 'pwease' intentional? I'm so angry, HULK SMASH.
take me shopping pwease - w4m - 18 (southwest)
hey im leaveing for school tuesday and i still havint gon school shopping i need someone to take meeh and sposer the trip can u help text meeh:) eight three 2 six three three twenty six zero2

Women like idiots, it's official. I have a chance.
to the douche-bag at the horseshoe last night - w4m - 27 (marina / cow hollow)
You had a classy v-neck t-shirt that was too small, and a suggestive hole in the crotch of your designer jeans. The whole time you were spilling tequilla shots on everone around you and proudly displaying your colorful panties. I found your spilling yours/mine/many other patrons drinks on my friends and me, coupled with your consequent steadfast and unfaltering ignoring of this douch bag move entirely irresistable.

Dirtiest pair of mouthes ever. They would make a good couple.
Morgan At C*ckBl*ck 2/14 - w4m
I spilled whiskey, you licked it up. You spilled your drink, I licked it up. Wish I asked for your number.

So is this a 50 year old man inviting women to a motel to smoke weed and crack? I like the addition of 'no weirdos' to the the end.
rocks and stems and sex - m4w - 56 (coral gables)
lets go shopping in the grove and then we can party at a nice motel while we blow smoke all over.............. must like to be eaten no weirdos please

Bruised ego?
Whiskey Blue - Thursday night - m4w - 37 (Atlanta)
To the attractive brunette who slapped me have serious anger management issues. I hope you get a good therapist soon, because you need one. Big time. I feel sorry for you. Now go and get yourself some help.

This is NOT an invite to get laid. I want to help you, I really do. With my hungry hungry dick.
Any woman SICK of the dating sites/night club scene/ perverted ads/ and fake men. HIT me up for an experience that you will never forget THIS is not an invite to get laid. Only serious woman who are hungry to express themselves. GOOD HUMOR MAN WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONDS.

I can f*ck for hours!!! - w4w (The park )
Mmm, remember that time you watched as me and my hombre were actin like we was fucking under the blanket and then we really started fucking? Or that time, you ate me out in the bathroom after I took a shower? Gimme a call...I want that back!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Personal ad marriage proposal - good idea?

My favourite insult in Craigslist Missed Connections today was f*cktard tw@t.

Someone with more time to d1ck about than me replies to an earlier Craigslist advert.
I saw you, you were the nasty looking ho who kept staring at me. Contact me, I think I can make some money off you over on MLK if I clean you up a bit. Yea, you know I love you Baby...

I've not worked out who this is written to. Maybe he just wants to tell the world 'I LOVE T1TS!'
Miss looking at my buddy's wife - m4w (Houston)
My wife and I went on a vavcation with our friends...we eventually got the wifes to get topless on the beach. My buddy's wife had the most perfect set of t1ts. I got to jack off to them that evening. I sure miss looking at them! Too bad we could not be with them several weekends ago...think we might have swapped wifes! SH1T!

I'm not going to be mean about this one, it's sweet I think. I love the heart-ripping reference. MORTAL COMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
i'm really missing you - m4w - 22 (sugar land)
you ripped out my heart like you were kano from mortal kombat I want it back

I wonder why he hasn't succeeded so far. Possibly the repeated assaults on her booty might be a factor?
Indian Girl on the B Train - m4w - 26 (Brooklyn)
You bumped into me on the B train. I touched your b*tt a few times but you didnt turn around :( I would like to touch it again....)

Um. eh? Picture included.
Unit: Android. Status: Tinkering. - m4w - 27 (Greenpoint)
Environment: Sopping Wet.
Olfactory: Biodiesel and WVO fumes.
Culprit: Hippiepants.

This has some amazing pun work, and I love the use of moobs. Never until now have I seen 'moobs' used in a sexual way.
Re: On Your Porch - m4m - 26 (Inwood Forest)
I had a great time too. All I got to say is we need to get baby oil, rip the sheets off of the waterbed, and rasttle naked. I can't wait to feel your moobs. I don't think my bf would mind, he likes to watch. I will dust off the sling in the attic and bust out the liquid latex for a great night in...and out...and back in again. Cum over and lets finger it out!

And finally... one of the most half-@rsed, crushingly sh1t marriage proposals I've ever seen.
my playmate
will u marry me terrifies even me USA USA!

Holy moly it, not sure how to describe it except it's like wikipedia. For maniacs. Read amazing articles on evolution (actually, they state that 'only 40% of Americans believe in evolution in 2005'. Suddenly the people on Craigslist start to make sense), how homosexuals are violent slags, and global warming isn't our fault. It's great, and by great I mean terrible.

I didn't even get to the section on Barack Obama, f*ck only knows what's written about him. He's probably a martian. a gay muslim martian.

Thank you America.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Mad Cow Disease

Nothing to do with Craigslist. At all.

Lazy lazy lazy and the ho didn't reply yet...

I've been slack today so no listings unless i get my arse in gear later on... However, I had time to write to the lady from yesterday demanding a sugar daddy. Yesterday's post read...

Any REAL SugarMen Available? - w4m - 22 (Nyc)
No GAMES.....SERIOUS Gentlemen Only! I know what you Want.... Seeking A Wealthy, Healthy, Respecful, Middle Aged, Generous BENEFACTOR for Fun Times, Pampering, Spoiling and NON Stop DISCREET Adult Fun With An Amazing Bombshell of a Vixen SUCH as Myself.....

So I replied to her, but she hasn't replied yet. I will follow this up, my money's as good as the next man.

Hey Sugar Tits, I've got over $40 in my pocket in crisp newish notes, fancy juggling my one testicle in your mouth? I tip well too. Jim

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Tuesday

Personal Ads are fun until you wake up with your balls in your mouth

I curious to see what sort of responses this sort of advert gets, and how she responds! I shall reply, we'll see...
Any REAL SugarMen Available? - w4m - 22 (Nyc)
No GAMES.....SERIOUS Gentlemen Only! I know what you Want.... Seeking A Wealthy, Healthy, Respecful, Middle Aged, Generous BENEFACTOR for Fun Times, Pampering, Spoiling and NON Stop DISCREET Adult Fun With An Amazing Bombshell of a Vixen SUCH as Myself.....

Man turns up with a leg of lamb. Man not happy.

More meat. This time man eats pet cat.
the sexest cop ever - m4w - 30 (bushwick)
i know i did u wrong but i love u so much n miss u so much.i been dieing 2 c u again in that cop uniform u look so sexy if u read this u know who i im no 1 ever eat that p*ssy like me so call me you have my #

Carraturo (all over florida)
You can run but you can't hide... FINDJOHNCARRATURO.COM

Go get 'em tiger!
Bikini beach - Saturday Night - Blackberry in zebra rubber (1960)
I have a missed connection with whoever stole my blackberry saturday night::: To who the f*ck ever stole my blackberry 8310 that was in a zebra print rubber, GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK, it fell out of my hand and two mins later was turned off, I WORK AT THE CLUB AND AM SEVERLY P1SSED!!!! Also you were so effin stupid that you made a phone call off it, to a HOME NUMBER, well guess what, reverse phone search, I HAVE THE ADDRESS TO THE PEOPLE THAT YOU CALLED AND I WILL CALL THE POLICE AND GO TO THE HOUSE, I AM ON A HUNT FOR MY PHONE I HAVE ALOT ON THE PHONE AND I LOVE IT!!! GIVE ME MY PHONE OR SOMEONES GETTING IN ALOT OF TROUBLE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. You may reply to this email && i will tell you where to meet me to give me back my f*ckin blackberry and everything will be cool or you can meet me at whoevers house you called when i go there later, with the cops if my phone isnt on the way . ;)

The only thing that turns me on more than angry lesbians is unicorns.
Look how white everything is. - w4w - 28 (The L Train)
Miserable f*ck seeks a narcissistic double to feel a sense of shared superiority over all those happy ignoramuses via obsessive and pretentious and scrupulously copy-edited gchat convos. White people like me, or at least they ought to. Hipster-hating queers, cancerstick-sucking vegans, anti-intellectual intellectuals, and posttransexual upholders of the gender binary welcome. Passionate nihilism, boundary issues, and a propensity to escape reality via antisocial drinking a plus. Why be a dyke without drama. We missed each other because we were both trying to find shitty wikipedia articles. I like unicorns too.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Craigslist MC Monday

Best introduction name ever.
BLACK JEEP peidomnt christmas time - m4m - 43 (pidmont road)
met on peidmont raod at chrismas me italian cock sucker

So many obvious gags, extra meat with your taco etc.
Ever Horny at Taco Mac off East West Connector? - 22 (Austell)
I'm a server at Taco Mac is austell and see hot guys all day. Ever think you server is worth some fun send their name and If im them then we can play.

Pretty scary thing to happen on a Friday night... And there was a response too... Note man for woman.
You possibly saved me Friday night - m4w - 27 (Highlands)
I woke up bruised and bloody with a face full of marks. How I got them, I do not know and am hoping you can fill me in. It has been two days and the pain gets worse. My roommate overheard us talking as you left my front steps, without that I would not have even known you existed. This was around 3:30am. So, did you find me face down somewhere? did you run me over with a car? Were we walking together and I just tripped? I don't think any kind of fight, no blackeyes. My hands are fine, I didn't even try to catch myself. Please help me piece together the night. I remember absolutely nothing.

A reply to the above - potentially this person is the biggest head-fucker ever.
re...You possibly saved me Friday night - m4w - 27 (Highlands) (you were drunk )
OH !!wow!! yes i remember you ...we were all out drinking you were really drunk from what they had told me you were in the mens room looking at some guys private parts and he got mad & hit you ..gosh i hope your ok ...

This is brilliant, just brilliant. Yup throw that leg up like a dog ho! Or something equally ghetto.
THE PARTY AT BOONDOCKS - m4w - 25 (713)

This is graphic, I apologise. But in my book @nal warts are always funny. ALWAYS.
for the guy that f*cked me BB and later told me he was married - m4m - 27 (somewhere in Houston)
so I met you, I liked you, you liked me...We drank and drank all night long. You asked if you could come over, I agreed.. Because I was soooo drunk I let u f*ck me BB, before you left the next morning, you mentioned your wife and kids might be worried about your whereabouts. Although I did enjoy very much when u stuck ur meat pole up my sfincter all bare and gave me that manly geez that dripped down my b*tt cr@ck.. I should probably be honest myself and tell you to tell your wife not to worry about your whereabouts, but to worry more about the WARTS that appeared on my @sshole a week after you f*cked me raw.. please advice her that u have been f*cking gay boys raw and she might have some warts in her V@gina.. My best regards, the herpes in the @nus holding d*mbass...

Just talk to me already
I am a giraffe. a married giraffe that is. you are a rhino. we live within the same zoo. we did it and now you wont talk to me. I am sad. I am pregnant with our baby girhino. I never done it with a rhino before. why wont you talk to me. this board is crazy. cmon people.

Awesome justification at the end, a fist in the @rse in very healthy. And no flash photography please, it makes my buttocks look rubbish.
"on a whim fisting party" - m4m - 73
Just woke up from a nap and I'm horny. If i get more than 4 repsonses I'll host a fisting party in my condo. A little about me : 5'9, 160. balding with blue eyes. I do ask that you bring one canned food item per fist plunge so we can help achieve something positive in the process. All canned goods will be donated to a charity of your choice. I have a sling, dildoes, porn and popcorn if you're hungry. Age race not an issue but please have arms. Also no cameras allowed as the flash tends to not flatter my buttocks. (it's been a while since I've tanned). This can fun, healthy and worthwhile. Thanks.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Funny Craigslist Missed Connections Wednesday

Houston, Miami and old faithful Atlanta dazzled me today. People seemed too be weird today. Is it a full moon?

What a compliment.
Oh Mary - m4w (Rktqnspace)
The one who's not so hairy...

Boobers. my word of the day.
poops! (To the left)
i wanna drink jager from your boobers...

A vicious reply to an initial post. Yet another reason why posting on Craigslist is insane.
RE:Former Coworker - Slow day - m4w - 36 (Westchase)
I know who you both are and I am about to rat you two out, after all you both deserve to be if you are going to cheat on your spouses!

This person should be in a ward. A locked ward.
To the fortune hunters looking for attention,
keep on keeping the pigeons cozy in the old underpants, releasing them occasionally to bring you back a few pussy willows to garnish the scrambled eggs you serve yourself each day.

A great response to an earlier ad. Finally someone posts a reason why they don't want to hook up with a person who looks for them on Craigslist.
Ref: you kept looking at me at joe's coffee - m4w (east atlanta)
Of course I kept looking at you, you were picking your nose, looking at your fingers and licking them, yuck. And what's with that pink shirt and spiked dyed hair? I left because I was afraid you might come over near me..

And of course I can't go a day without being amused by the gays ads. I may be missing the point here, but it seems to me that if you're gonna bum a guy through a glory hole then you really must think they're ugly. I don't understand.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Wednesday

Today the theme seemed to be men turned on by farting women in Houston. Yes, it really was.

New modelling and entertainment company huh? Looking for models huh? Sure I believe you.
Lookn 4 Real Woman - 19 (Georgia)
I Have A entertainment Company Thats Coming Up And We Are Lookn For Up And Coming Dancers And Models Get At Me If You Wanna Be Down

This girl he's looking for sounds kind of great. I'd marry any girl that told me that I 'want that burrito up my @ss like a f*ggot bitch'. Wow.
You called him midget Dik - m4w - 29 (Humble)
You were at Taco Bell on Sunday afternoon wearing a LV Cashmere sweater and long blond hair with some tight spandex pants. You were with a much older man that Resembled Mr. Rogers , which I thought was your dad but ended up being your boyfriend you kept staring at me and when I sat down you sat doen right across from me, I kept hearing you talking to him calling him names like midget d1k and frog lips, you even called him sausage face, you kept degrading him and I think he liked it, especially when you told him if he wants that burrito up his @ss like a f*ggot b1tch he is. Anyways y, too make a long story short I really digged you and want to know if you want to go out and do something this weekend. I was the one wearing the bycicle shorts and yellow shirt, and No that wasnt a banana in my pocket I was just excited to see you. : )

Nothing special here, except he has a profile on an amusing sounding site.
Galleria Mall - m4m - 22 (Atlanta)
We chatted a bit outside the mall. Name is Ben you were Brent. I think we should get to know each other, you're very cute. I have a pfoile on, hit me up there

I don't care what anyone says, farting is funny. Girls farting is even funnier. Girls farting in men's faces by mistake? Life-affirming.
You Passed Gas While Dancin At Chayn's - m4w (Houston)
The smell actually turned me on. Would love to see you again...

And last, but definitely not least... This is amazing. I particularly like the way the guy is obviously trying to minimise the embarassment for the girl, by explaining the entire situation in huge detail. Yup that'll work mate. Go on, put her full name in there while you're at it.
you put your ass in my face and passed gas - m4w - 28 (Woodlands)
We were at the ninth hole, and you were dancing on me while I was sitting down, then you bent over and backed up and put your ass in my face, I grabbed it and all of a sudden you let one rip right in my face, everybody started laughing but I felt bad , the look on your face, I know you were embarrased and ran out crying, I know it was an accident. I only ran after you to tell you it was allright but you were pretty upset, and told me your stomach was bubblin you had to get home pretty fast, you gave me your # but i just remembered the first 6 NUMBERS. your name is Lin Shan Wu and live in the woodlands. if anybody knows her tell her Jaime wants to meet her and put this behind us.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections - Tuesday

New York, Houston, Atlanta, Miami, o so many towns, so little time.

Avoid this girl, she stinks.
want to be the safe zone - 22 (miami)
why cant i just meet someone and automatically wear my ugly pants, rock my crazy hair, and not hide that i'm gassy? life could be so much easier.

I want to play!
Throwing frogs...
was fun with you. I want to do it again. Can we?
I thought he was going quite well till he threw in the Paris Hilton line.
Serra Mesa MILF - m4w - 26 (Mobley at your friend's house)
You're beautiful. We only met briefly, and it was a while ago, but I saw the look in your eye. We definitely had a missed connection. I randomly think of you and wonder what could have been. You look a bit like an older Paris Hilton. You are amazing. Let's do something very soon!

Dude, don't be such a pussy.
To the girl who beat me up at the mall yesterday - m4w - 25 (downtown / civic / van ness)
That was a real trailer trash thing to do. I guess your behavior matches the slutty clothes you were wearing.

I don't want commitment. Is marriage commitment?
Curly haired sexy lesbian at Nice Guy Eddies - w4w - 26 (L.E.S.)
Dear hot curly haired, tattoo lesbian (aka Morgan), You are so sexy and I want to finally meet you face to face. Its cold. Lets warm each other up. I think I want to marry you. But I dont want a relationship or anything. Love you sexy, MD

Strange, but I like the cut of their jib.
purple words
hahahaha! Fuck you fastmail coward fucking loser! You are daddys girl a boozer like daddy!! Hahahaha!!!!

This guy seems to have good information. he thinks fuck the police, they can't be trusted, where else can I find trustworthy people? Aaaaaahhhh yes. Actually, quite a heavy advert.
Murder in Jasper, Georgia
If any persons of authority are looking for the perp. that committed the murder of a male in Jasper...The perp is Cary or Cory...his brother, who by the way is wanted, is living in the trailer behind "Neese Transmission" in woodstock, GA on Cherokee Hwy......along with other 'wanted' individuals. I have additional information from other sources...warning, there are several aggressive dogs on property...a green chevrolet pick up, a big newer model pick several non running abandoned vehicles...etc..a large shop building....drugs...convicted murderer also resides there, he was acquited in court..but...

$50 an hour? To have some nutter suck my toes? For $20 an hour I'll put the pool ball right back in my mouth and ingest my testicles sumo-style. Yes submissive worm, they're my feet, suck them, harder etc.
hi young colege girls want to earn some money i love LICKING AND SUCKING FEET 50/HR I AM VERY SUBMISSIVE AND LOOKING TO BE SUBMISSIVE NO SEX ONLY FEET WORSHIPPING i am very serious only serious girls need reply

Monday, 2 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Monday

Lady feels a missed connection with a convict, in a chain gang on the side of the road. Seriously, you can't make this sh1t up. Unless they actually do. I hope not, the 'impale my heart' line is too special.
Chain gang on 45 - w4m - 25 (Huntsville)
I passed you guys yesterday while on my way back to Houston after visiting my boyfriend. You were holding a trash bag and a pointy stick (to impale my heart?). I was going about 60, but slowed down to check you out. Let me know what color my car was so I know it was you. I liked your jumpsuit, but I think it would look better on the floor of your cell. Put me on your visitor list. Let's get to know each other... conjugally.

My favourite today. A novel compliment.
Mason - w4m - 20 (Hollywood)
You're fucking hot. Deal with it.

If I don't get drawn nude in the next hour my f*cking HEAD WILL EXPLODE. HURRY WOMAN, HURRY.
i want you to draw me nude, or just your company. please let me know where you are.

Free hooker? Sorry, free racist hooker.
montrose clinic hooker - m4m
he still works there he will be the first one you see when you walk in and if you are black he will give up his soupy a** for free.

This was a response to a number of ads and replies about whether you can really love a stripper. I think this person summed it up well.
RE: Who falls in love with a stripper? - w4m - m4w - m4w
Strippers are people too. I for one love my strippers.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Saturday & Sunday Craigslist Missed Connections Funny Personal Ads

Theme this weekend seemed to be men looking for women they met at Hooters. Has anyone ever actually picked up a waitress from Hooters? Also, Atlanta had a lot of love for Asia this weekend too.

Buffalo Bill places his first advert on Craigslist Missed Connections.

Caribou Coffee - m4m (Edgewood)
You asked for the bathroom key and then went back to grab your newspaper. You might be in there for awhile but I hope you come out soon. I'd love to make a pillow out of your pelt.

I wonder how many people called "Roger Meazley" replied to this one.
Who is Roger Meazley? - 25 (Atl)
Hey I heard s story about a buy named Roger Meazley, apparently he won some money recently and decided that he's going to give it away to some random person on the street. I saw something about it on YouTube and wanted to know if it/he was real or not.

WOW. The 2 pictures were actually in the advert too.
big eyes, blue shadow - w4w (port. center)
you indian(the dot kind) woman with voluptuous lips, blue eyeshadow, and the whitest teeth i have ever seen. i want to rub my feather on your hairy legs. want to be my scissor sister?

Straight to the point.
Hey Indian boy (you know who you are) ... I want to suck your dick!!! - m4m
You know who you are, and you know who I am (I think) ... so what are you waiting for, red car driver? :)

Friday, 30 January 2009

Just one more... Thanks to Henry C in London.

I was wrong about England. We ARE deviants.
AB Looking for Daddy - m4m - 28 (London)
Adult Baby son looking for generous Daddy into changing diapers and feeding baby.

More Funny Craigslist Missed Connections Friday - Miami, Atlanta, Houston, san Diego

More! Craigslist is like crack to me.

This isn't funny, this is a public service announcement. Always tie down your dog properly.
BLACK DOG on freeway (Cardiff by the Sea)
Anyone witnessing a black dog falling off a truck, or being hit afterward on I5 North at Birmingham, Wed. 1/21/09 approx. 3:15 p.m. please email with information. Thank you.

One day I shall walk up to a man, say the throw-away line 'really nice balls man' then wonder off as if nothing happened. One day.
LA Fitness Roswell - m4m - 32 (Roswell)
Have seen you in the locker room a few times. We are ususally done with our workouts about the same time (very early morning) You look to be in late 20's and your locker is next to mine. Have showered across from each other and you pull the curtain back when drying off. Really nice balls and dick man. Would love to get together. We were both there this morning and your towel fell off (I liked that). Let me know if you see this - long shot I'm sure.

Great name for a song. The message was nothing but the title
Am I bananas or is there a munkey in my head - m4w - 38 (2008)

Just like getting a custom made suit, it fits like a f*cking glove.
MC , Spalding Heights Dr - m4m (Spalding Heights Dr)
This is a long shot, I lost all of your contact info, wish we can get together some time. Last time I came by you told me that my cock was a perfect fit for your ass.

I emailed this guy but had no response yet. my balls actually ache with anticipation, give me money. Maybe my 'financial requirements' were too much?
Need financial assistance? - m4w (N. Fulton)
Maybe I can help. Need to be 18-25 yro, caucasian, fit, and open minded. ;) Send photo and financial requirements.

Nothing tickles me more than a well-polished anus. Um wait that doesn't sound right, errr. O forget it.
Rimmer on Sledge? - m4m - 30 (Houston)
Anyone know who Im talking about? Where is he at? My ass misses him!

Craigslist Missed Connections Thursday and Friday - Miami and Atlanta

Hello, here are some more missed connections, some quite good ones today! Actually, some are from yesterday, but who's counting.
I don't want the poor guy to be too sad, but I don't think he's going to get his CD back...
CARLENA MC - m4w - 36 (atlanta)
we met around 2002 I drove a blue Tahoe we lost contact after you changed jobs from the mall and moved, also do you still have the Usher cd that I gave you?

I had to look up to see what Rosacea was, sounds painful. And yet I laughed when he said his underpants hurt.
Rosacea romance - m4m - 19 (Smyrna CVS)
You were in line for your Rosacea medicine and so was I. We looked at each other. The look bore the pain of two true Rosacea sufferers looking for relief. My Rosacea is so severe that my underpants hurt when I dance. Want to get together? Tell me what I was humming as I ogled you.

Holy f*ck, what a night it must have been! A shattered anus and not even a phone number to show for it.
Lookin' for D'andre Hawkins - m4m - 43 (clearlake)
We were coworkers at a warehouse on the east side. You perfortated my colon.

I don't like to laugh at the way people look, but I look like a trout so I'm allowed to. And it makes me feel big. Cowgirl? Really?
Where is my Cowgirl ? - m4w - 30 (Sugarland)
I tried to email and send pics, but the server kept sending it back to me. Hope this will work, its my last resort in finding you!

I mean honestly, did this happen? Why the hell aren't they hanging around in my town? F*cking repressed British people, I should move.
you exposed yourself at sherlocks pub parking lot - m4w - 27 (Humble)
I was walking toward my car when you and your boyfriend pulled up and you had your legs opened with no panties and your br*asts were exposed, you asked me if I liked what you see, and I replied yes, you told me you wanted to see my c*ck, but i was hesitant because your boyfriend was there too watching, I walked to your side of the car and took it out for you to see, and you started m*sterbating and told me to stroke it, so i did. when you reached out to touch me your boyfriend stepped on the gas and you took off. It was really exciting and if you read this and want to try it again , email me.


Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Wednesday Craigslist Missed Connections

Today we're coming from Atlanta and Houston. God bless America. And I think it's a full moon at the moment, cos there are some proper nutters out tonight...

Nutter 1. There was another post from this being, more of the same weird shite.
Wickedness, Folly, Wild Hairs:
perpetrators of long-standing, brought to an arrangement to compose, manifest each, willy nilly, involving not only me, but innocent persons dear to me; innocent persons of whom I have no knowledge at all, if, indeed, they have any existence--searching as they do to form alliances with stolen threads in a crewel work of slanders in samplers of monstrous misrepresentations.

fuck you dude indeed.
guy in the white jeep/small SUV on westheimer around 1:15 (Houston)
You were driving like 20 mph while everyone went around made grandiose hand gestures as you spoke on your cell phone...FUCK YOU DUDE. Channel some of that energy to the pedal idiot. I bet you're a lousy fuck too. ttyl!

This is a funny one, full-moon style funny I mean. It's long so I've just got the beginning...
I miss your gulping and crunching - m4w - 30 (Suwanee)
You: The woman I share my office with. It's 4:30 and you've left. I always miss this time when you leave a half hour before me. The office seems so quiet, and I feel like I'm all alone in the world. I can concentrate on my work, and this confuses me. You see, you are a gulper and a cruncher. All liquids that you pour down your gullet are gulped, and all foods that you masticate are cruched.
I believe I have witnessed you crunching pudding before. It is an amazing feat. One that I have grown to be unable to function without while you are gone. I think what I miss most however is your gulping ablities. While you are gone, I have tried to mimic the sounds you produce and have found it quite impossible.
You see it's the volume and the throaty quality that you add, and I am trying - really damned hard. And you do it so effortlessly.

Chicks f*cking LOVE Skeetball.
To my big momma - m4w - 23 (Georgia Tech)
I can't wait to see you at the hockey game, rose in teeth, 24 oz beer in hand. I hope you will come to my autograph booth and pass me your number. Maybe we can meet up at Dave and Busters. I have mad skeetball skillz.

super sized head? How does he get hats to fit?
Me on my knees in front of you...late Thurs/early Fri - m4m (Inserection Cheshire)
I blew you. You have a super sized head, like the way it fit in my throat. Big load also. You wanted to go back to my place but I couldn't. Like to do it again. Any other super cock heads need attention? Send a message!

As ever, saving the best till last... This needs no intro.
Woman with Lactating Breast at Arby's - m4w
Hello there beautiful, You were lactating and were embarrassed. You kept putting you hand in your blouse to catch the milk, and then you would lick the milk off of your hands. Let me know what I was doing by / with the sauces while I was watching you to let me know it is you. I would love to help you with your full breast to stop the stress with my mouth. Dave

Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Tuesday Craigslist Missed Connections Jan 09

Observations this week... Any LA Fitness gym in Atlanta or Miami is guaranteed to be a terrifying world, with men constantly flashing their c*cks at each other in the sauna. This is what the adverts lead me to believe anyway. Also, chicks dig men in Ford F150 and F250 trucks. So there you go, a top tip. Join LA Fitness if you like boys, buy a Ford truck if you like girls.

Love yourself, you're f*cking fantastic.
Every morning - w4m - 99 (Watercloset)
Every morning I pass and I see you. Tall, dark, handsome, a bit of a "five o'clock shadow, dreamy/sleepy eyed, God!, just so hot and steamy! I fix us some breakfast, rub all over, and then I realize I'm looking at myself in the mirror and it's time to wake up and go to work. I'll call me sometime. Maybe I can hook up. Maybe even give myself some money or take me somewhere nice.

Pirate dating. Aaaaarrggghhhh.
Joes on juniper - m4m - 27
i was sitting to your 3 o'clock wearing grey. you had an eyepatch. i went to give you my number when everyone was leaving, but alas all i have now is craigslist.

In these modern times, should a Haiku really be limited to a certain number of syllables? This person says not. And I support that. This is a Haiku FOR THE PEOPLE. Take that, elitist scummers.
I Wrote a haiku For You..........
Every week for the entire month of January.....Youve had a body ache of some sort and so have I. I dont' know when we can see each other again...... I never worry you wont be back around one day.....if only in my dreams one day to make me smile.

This is a first! A cup of coffee has placed a post on Craigslist, looking for it's previous owner. Please, I just want to feel your steelius grip on my smooth cardboard skin. Mmmmmm oooooo. Yeah more sugar.
Rice Coffee House [Paul?] - m4m - 22 (Rice University)
You: tall, durty blonde, striking features. man.
Me: tall, skim latte, double shot, hazlenut flavor.
You wore a pink hat with a white fuzz ball. It read "Tim," but i think your name is Paul. Do you remember me? After midnight you walked downstairs to the bar and I followed you. You smiled at me. I was wearing the red sweater vest.
Rice Coffee House [Paul?] - m4m - 22 (Rice University)

His pen1s can juggle 4 oranges. Seriously, it's awesome.
South beach saturday nite - m4m
To the man who stood by me at the urinal and gave me a little show - thanks! Would love to see more of you sometime.

Monday, 26 January 2009

Monday Craigslist Missed Connections

A new week begins, and this week the theme is... Nude yoga. Nude yoga seems to be the place for men to gaze up other mens' bums while shifting energy around their body. But not to the pen*s of course, that would just be embarassing.

The regular response poster 'Asshpol1s' wrote the below post. I can't help but think he may have a point.
nude yoga missed connections (Assholopolis)
If you can go to a gay nude yoga "class" and still not have the nuts to talk to that other naked gay guy sitting next to you, maybe it is time to reconsider your commitment to the c0ck.

The bendiest, most flexible gang-bang in history.
Cirque Du Soleil - m4m - 23 (Atlantic Station)
Any/Every male performer in Cirque Du Soleil. Sneak away from rehearsal sometime! White young top here.

Hairy ankles. One of the stranger turn-ons I've heard this week.
Mexican dude at Fellini's Pizza Roswell Road - m4m - 27
I was having lunch today 11:30 and you were folding pizza boxes. You were wearing low cut dark orange (?) chucks and low cut white socks. Your hairy ankles and short pants caught my eye and - to tell the truth - gave me a b0ner. You smiled a lot. What you don't know is that I would have willingly gone into the bathroom with you and s*cked you dry.

Ahhhhh. Everything is cute when you're in love. Like lifting up a butt cheek to fart on the bus. Ahhhhhhhhh...
Met you farting on the bus - m4m - 21 (Atlanta)
You: blonde and slight;y cross eyed. You were listening to your Ipod and farting to the beat. The other riders were upset but I dug the way you lifted your cheek and let those farts sneak. Tell me what you were listening to? Thanks, Sniffer.

This is a post that was written for EVERY SINGLE MAN this Friday and Saturday night.
Saturday night bar hopping - m4m (EAV)
Sorry for being inappropriate. I don't drink that much that often and I don't want you to think that was indicative of my normal behavior. I'm actually a pretty reserved person, in that regard. Anyway, I enjoyed meeting you and hope to see you around again sometime.

And finally, romance isn't dead. It's just been brought up to date to include an@l-tearing.
aquarium - fist bitch - m4m - 35 (ATL)
you: s&p curly hair, thin, not sure of the rest since you're usually face down me: black buzzed hair, built, thick dick, big hands, hard fucker saw you at the aquarium saturday about 3 p.m. haven't seen you in a while. know you like my dick and the way i work over your hole. okay, maybe i'm a bit aggressive when i'm almost FFing you. write me back and we'll meet up at the place where i do your hole.

Who the hell is this written too?? 30,000 people across Atlanta are squeezing their groins in anticipation.
I know you like it
I used to love being the chick in hand cuffs... but it would seem we will be switching roles soon... dont worry, I will bring the blindfold... I know you like it

This is a pretty awesome post. Do get to the end. It just shows, b*stards get their b@lls licked.
You flipped me off at Noe and 17th - m4m - 45 (castro / upper market)
My car had just been vandalized in a shocking and unsettling way and I was on my way to the police station to report the incident. I was also lighting a cigarette when I pulled out into the intersection, and at the last minute realized that you and a friend were crossing the street. Thankfully you were both paying attention and stopped several feet short. Knowing myself to be entirely at fault, I shot you an "I'm sorry" look and held up my hands in a gesture universally understood to convey apology. You responded with a one-fingered salute. Of course, you were under no obligation to accept my apology, but I wonder what it must be like to have a flawless record of mistake-free driving that entitles you to be so self-righteous.

But you were also very cute and I will be happy to provide an apology blow job.

Friday, 23 January 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Friday - Freaks of the States UNITE!

Thanks to Sara for these missed connections from a bunch of different cities. Just goes to show that nutters don't all come from Atlanta. They come from Houston and San Francisco too.

I have nothing amusing to say.
you sold me a b*tt plug at codoms to go this week - m4w - 26 (northwest hwy)
I was in buying a b*tt plug and some other things. I told you I just broke up with my gf and was tierd of using my finger. Please email me back. What else did I buy so I know its you?

Just "taking care of business" brother, taking care of business.
24 Hour shower stroke - m4m - 37 (24 Hour Fitness)
Saw you again tonight in the shower at one of the 24 Hour locations, just after 7pm. There was one guy showering in the stall between us, but then he left. I loved watching you soap up your awesome c0ck and the eye contact back and forth was hot. I wasn't completely sure if you were putting on a show for me or just "taking care of business". When I started stroking, it was clear that we were turning each other on. I showed you my a*s several times and you seemed to like it. As a said to you in the shower, "Any time!" We should take it out of the gym next time. What 24 Hour location were we at and what color shorts dd you work out in tonight? You were a white t-shirt...hit me up....

Great title!
hey weird tall guy - w4m - 24
you caught me off guard tonight. I was there to be with my friend. while I was slightly agitated by your interruption, you did bring up some good points. I was not ready to give you my number. We can talk on Yahoo or AIM if you get this.

An even greater title!
You're so hot you're making me sexist - w4m - 24 (The Bar)
I meet you one night at Flanagans I don't know if you'll remember me but you bought me drinks. I can't remember much but I wanted to thank you and maybe share some more drinks

I've been waiting for this advert for 28 years.
English Accents - w4m - 23 (Houston)
I want to go on a date with an attractive Englishmen with a relatively stong English accent :) range between 25-35 yrs....
contact me with your pic :)

Chatting up girls in Walmart is bad for your health.
Walmart in Canyon Country, you were wearing the Coors light hoodie - m4w - 26 (Canyon Country)
So the last time i talked to a girl in Walmart, her boyfriend came from the next isle over and gave me a black eye. We made eye contact, in the toothbrush isle, and now i have some useless tube of toothpaste that i didn't mean to buy. I blame you. I want you so bad.

The thrust of a stallion.
cute guy who broke the bed - w4m - 47 (west)
are you the great man who broke my bed? the incrediable kisser who made my heart get all mushy? i seem to have lost you!! you know who you are, i want you!!

This man has got it pretty right I reckon.
You had me at "Get on your knees". - 24 (Chicago)
How could you not read this with a title like that. Ok so I feel like giving a little rant about Craigslist and decided to post it in the Missed Connections section because it is obviously the best section to read and laugh at. After reading a number of these ads and actually seeing pictures of people I have decided to translate some things for everyone: Craigslist dictionairy: Curvy: Fat
Fun: Desperate
A bit heavy: Obese
Outgoing/Social: Loser
Bigger Girl/Guy: Morbidly Obese/Bed Ridden
Strictly Platonic: I will sleep with you if you are cute
LTR: Never been kissed
New to town: Undercover wh0re
Nice girl/guy: Dork
Don't normally do this: Haven't gotten laid in 3 months
Attractive: Mediocre
Hot: Delusional
Total Package: See Hot
Love kissing/cuddling: Laid 1st date, guaranteed
420 friendly: My dealer just got busted

I actually feel sorry for this dude.
lady whose bed i was in last night - m4w - 22 (garden grove)
where did you go?

The location speaks volumes.
Sucked you off at Nob Hill theatre - m4m - 37 (nob hill)
I had the pleasure of going down on your tasty c*ck this Wednesday afternoon. You're tall, wearing a black cap, Chapion brand boxer shorts, and a jacket. Would love being of service once again, same place. Hopefully you'll read this and be interested enough to respond. It was hot!

THIS A*S IS YOURS. Imagine him saying it whilst holding a gun to your head. Happy F*cking Christmas.
Steamworks - m4m - 30 (berkeley)
Christmas morning You latin Me black You said you were all top, and you proved it well. I had not been fu*ked in months (I don't often bottom, I usually top), and never had a c*ck of that size in me, and by the time we were done, i wanted that c*ck to stay in. I wouldn't mind repeating. Confirm some details, (the positions and how I came) and this ass is yours.

Graphic. And refers to his c*ck in the 3rd person. This c*ck has a name people, and his name is Jeff.
taboo video on 1st (gloryhole booth)
There was no waiting mouth on the other side for my c*ck at lunch time. Oh haow sad he is now. He does enjoy nice clean mouths that look forward to receiving his nice clean white sp3rm from his black head. Oh well, maybe next time.

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Thursday, 22 January 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Thursday - Miami and Atlanta

Yeah work that walking machine, ooo yeah PUMP mmmm. Gosh.
L.A. Fitness Ansley Mall - Crazy Elliptical Guy - m4m (Midtown ATL)
u were goin nuts on the elliptical today and it made me fuckin horny. I wonder if you're single?

It's not so weird, lots of people like to wear diapers. Honest.
Does Any Twinks Like - 18 (atl)
To Be Made To Wear Diapers

And holy shit! on the same day, in the same town, another diaper wearer! This must be fate... maybe I should put them in touch with each other.
Anyone into wearing diapers - - m4m - 19 (atk)
Any Hottie's Have A Diaper fetish

I laughed at this just because of the book store name. I'm assuming it's a porn book store. Called 'Happy Books'. Genius.

Anyone? Anyone please f*ck me?
Hotties in the Burrito House! (Chipolte - GA 9 & Mansell)
Am I the only one to notice how freekin hot the latino men are who work at the Chipolte in Roswell? OMG! I nearly melt everytime I go in there. Are any, ANY of them gay or bi?

I love the sheer BALLS on this dude! Why have an age limit if it's going to be your job?
Massage for 21-55 woman only, FREE BACK / Neck Massage - m4w - 27 (Miami / Broward)
Your house or we can meet in a public place, its up to you. I am very skilled but not licensed yet. The only reason is because I am shy and I wanted to make sure I would be confortable massaging strangers. This will help me gain confidence and than I will apply and pay for the expensive license. The massage is free but you can give me a TIP of any amount if you like. Or you can give me a back massage of your own if you like, or lunch on you. Email me, Woman only please I don't mind massaging guys, but all the guys on craigslist or gay or perves

2 minutes later he changes his mind, 21 is too old, let's shift the age a little...
FREE Massage for Woman 30- 65 only, Free Neck/Back Massage - m4w - 27 (N. Dade / S. Broward)
The massage is free but you can give me a TIP of any amount if you like. Or you can give me a back massage of your own if you like, or lunch on you. Email me, Woman only please I don't mind massaging guys, but all the guys on craigslist or gay or perves Your house or we can meet in a public place, its up to you. I am very skilled but not licensed yet. The only reason is because I am shy and I wanted to make sure I would be confortable massaging strangers. This will help me gain confidence and than I will apply and pay for the expensive license. Javier

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Wednesday, 21 January 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Wednesday - Miaaaaaami

I said it yesterday, I'll say it again. People on Craigslist in Miami are confident. I guess that's a good way to put it... And while we're discussing Miami, I'd like to thank a Brooke H - 37, for posting a picture of his c0ck, with what looked like an arab strap attached. I opened the page unsuspectingly at work and screamed as i tried to get the bl0ody thing off my screen. I've not had a warning mail from work so I may have got away with it, we'll see...

New rule for me with this stuff. Don't open ones with pictures at work! Right, back to business.

He recognised you AFTER? AFTER??? Imagine if it'd been his brother or something! Chr1st.
Saturday afternoon Club Baths - m4m
Your room was across from mine. I said that you looked like you needed some help with that. After we f*cked you recognized me.... wanna play again?

So he randomly wandered into your room? Again, I'm stunned.
Clubhouse II - Sunday Afternoon - m4m
This is a long shot but what the h*ll. You came in my room and f*cked me face down for a little while. Told you I needed a little break but wanted you to come back. You had a nice BIG c0ck and I wanted more. Would love to go at it with you again. I was in a room in the first hallway. Tell me what room i was in so i'll know it was you.

Now THIS is a man who knows what he wants. And he wants it NOW!
Dicey Riley's Late Sat. Night Jan. 17 - m4w - 33 (Las Olas)
You put out my cigarette, I guessed your nationality, you never gave me your number, how much money do you owe me?

I love the stream of conciousness style of writing, try to find the point that it stops being in English.

Hahahahahaha another man with focus and drive.
Was it really you???????????? - 99 (dreams)
I saw you come out of the bathroom with coke on your nose. You winked at me and we exchanged glances from across the room. You drank about 13 Jagerbombs in 2 hours and passed out on the hostess stand. Doesn't coke keep you awake? You had a horrible b0ob job and your face was peeled back so far it was back in the parking lot.You were wearing heavy blue eyeshadow, a plaid evening gown, and teased blonde-frosted hair. Now you are MY kinda gal. Tell me what I was wearing. Let's meet!

Didn't anyone tell you? Superman is dead.
Superman (not where you are)
Please call. At the very least I deserve a private conversation....

Put your loaf down.
Asian Guy on Bike at Davie Publix (Davie)
You were riding your bike, came into the store and bought a loaf of white bread. We made eye contact a couple of times; you seem very shy. If you see this, write me back. I've got my own loaf of white bread for you .....

One of the most surreal first conversations ever? If it was me, I'd be a little wary, but hey! Fuck it! Throw caution to the wind! Being locked in a dungeon might be your thing.
Dog walking flamingo on the 12th - m4w - 40 (Miami Beach)
You walked your dog, gave way to me - I talked and asked what you would do if I stepped on him... you said you would kill me tht would be the least, but before you would torture me... I came back a few minutes later and said I decide to take the dog... you laughed...... My name is christoph - I missed to ask you if your dog had a facebook site! Please contact me

And last but not least. Me being a child again. 'I ate your b*tt'. Classic.
Hollywood Spice Adult Bookstore - m4m - 39 (Hollywood)
We shared a gloryhole booth yesterday. I ate your b*tt as you got pleasured thru the hole. You left quickly when you were done. I would like to hook up again. Get back to me and let me know what I was wearing.

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Tuesday, 20 January 2009

On Wednesday we visit Miami...

I'm trying to explore the more interesting towns in Craigslist, tomorrow we'll have a look at Miami. Holy sh1t the streets of Miami must flow with cum, these people are grubby. Actually that's not fair. The people from Miami that post on Craiglist are grubby. And I love them for it.

A taster...

I mean really? And this is a tame one compared to some!
hot bear bartender PJ's - m4m - 30 (Ft Lauderdale)
to the hot bartender at PJ's bar, I see those big b@lls swinging, and I snuck a peek at you pissing(thank god for open windows)nice thick c0ck, I want you realy bad!!!! let me know if your interested.

Tuesday Craigslist Missed Connections

I'm feeling particularly childish today. I even sniggered at one ad that mentioned 'boobie', it's becoming a concern. But hey! Loads to check! A mix of Atlanta and some place in South Carolina...

Possible newspaper headline 'Local butcher tried to sell produce in gym'. I like that there seem to be Craigslist regulars! Funny, and yet terrifying. Wait a minute, I read it each day. O sh1t.
re: hot black male at LAF Toco around 1:30 - m4m
LOLThat same dude was at LAF Buckhead around 4:30pm - shaved head, green pants - trying to wave his meat in the sauna and showers. Only thing was, LAF Buckhead was full of fat guys and trolls at that time.

I'm a child, it shouldn't make me laugh but it did. I'm sorry.
Handy Man - m4w
Any body need there plumbing serviced. I make service calls. North Ga, Cherokee,cobb.

Recommended car repairs and servicing agent in Charleston.
BJ outside Voodoo Lounge - m4w - 27 (JI)
you: gorgeous Asian chick--we made eye contact--went outside--you serviced me in my car THEN YOU SPLIT! I couldn't find you the rest of the night--would love to hook up again

Seriously, I'm like 5 years old. Anything mentioning cable is funny.
Cable Guy - m4m - 25
Recently installed my cable, you were very nice and cute with a firm handshake. Get back to me if you remember me.

Underwear-free salmon smuggler spotted. Reward for capture.
Fisherman - m4m - 45 (Summer's Bend dock )
I know the chances of you reading this are slim to none but I'm getting hard just thinking of you and writing this. You were on the dock fishing and we talked about fishing for awhile. You hooked me for sure. I could tell you were not wearing underwear and you are large in the crouch. I think you caught me looking?

It seems so normal... Chat in a rest area, have a w@nk in front of another dude.
Rest Area - m4m
You and I talked at the rest area and you jerked off for me. Tell me what kind of hat I was wearing. Would like to hook up.

blip - 66 (charleston)
blip blip

How many different types of fr1cking beans are there? Beans?? Seriously? He was hunting for her bean. Sorry again, that was crap.
Price Wise - m4w (Hanahan)
You were the chick stocking! I asked you where the beans were... what kinda beans was i looking for?

Best name for a pig EVER. And how many people have pet pigs I ask??
Moe's Rutledge Ave. - m4m - 23 (Downtown Chas., SC)
I saw you and your two friends eating lunch today at Moe's. You were the one wearing shorts and the white T-shirt with circles on the top right shoulder. You had an iPhone. We made eye contact a couple times and I felt a connection. I've never got on craigslist b4, but heard y'all talkin about it and thought i'd give it a try. Overheard your friend talkin about a pet pig. I have a pet pig. His name is Wilbur. Tell me what I was wearing, or just drop me a line!

Monday, 19 January 2009

Monday Craigslist Missed Connections

Soap-sniffing is the new speed-dating.
Pier One, Ansley Mall Sunday - m4m - 50 (Ansley Mall)
We sniffed soap bars are very enigmatic.....

I want to marry my Dentist - m4w (Buckhead)
I'm so insanely into my Dentist that it's crazy! Holy hell. I'm looking into getting my teeth checked/cleaned every 2 weeks now, rather than every 6 months. Thanks, Doc! I'll be seeing you soon!

Does the 'special drink' contain Rohypnol? And has any man ever scored a girl by telling them their daughter is hot?
Looking for hot Duck - 51 (L'ville)
Never knew "the Duck" had so many beutiful women,hopeing to find hot mom who was with hot daughter! Bartender smytine by your beauty at your company party on Saturday night. Would love to talk you more,you have a fun outlook on life to go with that hot body. Hope you see & get back to me. Love to make you another of my special drink.

Genius. I have so many questions. Is Intersection lubing the new thing? Lubed standing at the intersection or in a car? Why would you be lubed in a car? Why would you be lubed at an intersection?
Roswell Rd. Inserection - m4m - 38
We played were lubed up..would like to get together soon.

Coming on pretty strong I reckon, although that could just be me...
Your Dekalb Farmers Market - w4m - 25
I saw you on Saturday afternoon. You were eating alone at the hot bar then we ran into each other in the dairy section. I love you. Hold me?

Sunday, 18 January 2009

Sunday Craigslist Missed Connections

Any man will do...
Ridiculously Hot Guys in Hooters at Cumberland Mall !!! - m4m
I was at Hooters near Cumberland Mall tonight checking out the awesome UFC fights with my buddies. I could barely enjoy the fights due to all of the super hot guys that were walking around the place! Im a bi guy and the chicks were hot too, but the guys definitely won this bout! If any of you wanna meet up, hit me back, with pics (if possible) and we can set something up! Rich Franklin was ROBBED!!!

I love the self confidence.
Desperately Seeking Heather - m4w - 48 (Atlanta)
You - rental agent working properties near stadium Me - master cunn1lguist, 420 friendly. We should have hooked up in December but did not. I want you desperately. Email me and let's connect today.

I have an announcement to make...
tony college guy - m4m - 43 (atlanta)
f*cked you at cheshire motor lodge then again at euros last sunday you are hot as hell

I'm f*cking AWESOME, I'll lick your spam. Love the picture.
real women in shape WANTED for swet, steamy,hotty massage - m4w - 36 (cobb)
please be real and dont send SPAM LIKS,, all spam will be baned and reported

Today's Missed Connections was a little disappointing, but then this came along. Holy cow.
Russian guy waving a big uncut meat in the JeJu sauna - m4m - 27
About 2pm Sunday - you came in the dry sauna, said you were partying hard last night and had to exfoliate - we talked about saunas in different cities and you asked, "Can you do anything in those saunas?" Then you flopped your f0reskin a bit and smiled. I played with my f0reskin, too, then that ugly fat @ss old man walked in. You left and lounged on the chairs awhile in one of those nifty orange outfits, and I had to leave, sorry. Sure would like to meet up and play, if you're around and you see this.

Saturday, 17 January 2009

Saturday Missed Connections

Pumps you full of his seed? Crumbs...
you're too smart for me to prove it but the cum stains on your panties tell me at least part of the picture. You've also stepped up your self awareness of your appearance in clothing and make up. You're overly happy these days as well and spending time meeting "friends" in the evening much more often than in the past. It's no wonder he is helping you wherever he can. You're or bad bitch, worthy of only the best. I just want you to know that not only am I ok with this, but it gives me a huge thrill. He's snipped and probably pumps you full of his seed regularly. Why won't you let me in onthe secret or at least give me some clues. You'll probably never see this but if you stumble across it, write me and come clean about your undercover adventures. It could really heat things up.

Packing a nice what?
LA Fitness - m4m - 35 (Toco Hills)
Did anyone else see the hottie in the locker room in the blue CK briefs this afternoon? Wow, he was packing a nice pouch! I know he saw me staring as I finished getting dressed. Wish I'd had the nerve to at least say hello.

Terrifying attention to detail...
Visually appealing is all I kept thinking as I struggled to order my lunch while quietly appreciating you. You were tending bar at the Applebee’s in Jonesboro this afternoon. I was attracted to you smooth yellow skin and long black hair. You were wearing all black and I noticed the tattoo that you have above your left breast. I think a woman with glasses is sexy and you looked even better when you let them rest on your head. I was there between 12:30 and 2pm. I should have said something or at the very least introduced myself. If you don’t see this I will be back another day to try my hand. You did it for me, and I’m sure there is a lot more to you.

Am I being a cynical bugger in thinking this ad is a little disturbing?
were looking for young married couples that want to hang out. we just moved and are looking to find fun couples that driink and ave kids to hang out and go out when the kids have sitters. let us know were very hot couple and fun open to anything les u sknow!!!!!! we want couples with kids that can get out all the time and would like to hang out with kids somethimes

Perfectly normal ad, but is the picture the writer??
I see you almost everyday. Saw you last night while I was out, are you ever going to ask me out?

Boy Wonder cups the balls, Batman goes to town...
Bat Signal - m4m - 40 (Atlanta)
Looking to re-connect with Batman, the Boy Wonder, or FiendishOneAtl.

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Friday, 16 January 2009

Friday Craigslist Missed Connections cont.

Today is a good day for Atlanta...

Cheese anyone? - m4w - 26 (Poncey )
Your girlfriend is gorgeous. The way she arches when you kiss the small of her back is phenomenal. We should have some baked Gruyere cheese sometime. If you're not interested, close the blinds to your bedroom window.

It's your personality I like...

Good time-keeping is important...
Town Center Belks - m4m
Looking for the guy who sucked me off at Belks today around 3:45

What's a woman got to do to get laid she asks?
Missed Connection with Men in General - w4m - 34 (East Atlanta)
Why do you ask for my phone number and then not call? Why do you set up a date and then not follow through? Why do you monopolize me for an entire night and then act like it never happened the next day? Did you hope I'd go home with you that night and since I didn't, you decided that I didn't matter? Konw that when you do this it hurts me. How can I think you're not like the others when my past experience has taught me otherwise? How can I believe or even hope that you might be different? What's a woman got to do to get laid?!

And the reply this lady got?...
RE: Missed Connection with Men in General (A*sholopolis)
That's pretty much how we treat all fat girls. Put the twinkie down and buy a treadmill.

The male gender is a savage one...

I like this. Someone with less to do than me.
Old Mcdonalds had a Farm... - m4w - 27 (Marietta)

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Friday Craigslist Missed Connections

Looking for a man from Wisconsin. Any man will do...
Wisconsin guys at the Eagle - m4m - 38 (Eagle)
You guys from Wisconsin are are hot, looked for you but you disappeared.

Women, show us your tits...
Whats upp pwoplw - m4w - 21 (????)
I had an idea. this is a missed connection. If you think you can quess who I am send me an e-mail. Breast pics accepted also.

This one has a very sweet title, but then he talks @nal. C*ck in to the hilt? Awesome...
I miss you, H - m4w - 58 (Stone Mountain)
I miss you H. You were so right, H. We had something great going on and i ruined it. Please forgive me. I haven't had great sex since you. You were terrific in everything. Your bl*wjobs were exquisite. When you sat on on my c*ck and went to town you blew my mind. And when you turned up your b*tt and allowed me to sink my c*ck in your @sshole to the hilt I went crazy. Don't know why I was so stupid. I have talked to your sister several times to find you. I still miss you and love you. Please write.

Please can someone tell me what being 'eiffel tower-ed' means? Things change so fast these days... Sweet poem though.
to the boy who eiffel tower-ed me last night at cenci (cenci)
i think you're really cute.
sometimes i get lost in your eyes.
you've got the moves.
and you've got this sh*t on lock down.
you ride bikes. and want a motorcycle.
which is pretty cool i guess.
your roomates are pretty awesome, and i like to hang at the burning tree and beat the sh*t out of guitar hero drums with spoons.
speaking of spoons, i hope there is still some cake left so you can feed it to me later. you're my lucky # 13 even if you are a bit of a jerk sometimes, but hey.
we all have our flaws. yours is that you like me.

to the point...
to the person who wrote my phone number on the bathroom wall at soco
i hate you.

Chocolate Thunder. I will say no more...
the BIGGEST LOSER casting call several months ago at WILD BILLS - m4w - 34 (GWINNETT wild bills)
we stood in line you were right behind me once we made it inside we were selected for the same tryout group anyway i forgot your name but you said your nickname was "chocolate thunder" you turned me on i wanted to ask for your email or phone number but i was just too shy we talked and laughed but i didnt make the move if i could meet you again i'd like to make the move this time you told me everyone needs some chocolate thunder in there life and i thought to myself, yeah i'd love some chocolate thunder all over me you were tall and so am i you were sexy and so am i i felt chemistry but didnt act on it i'd love to spend some time with you i've been craving your chocolate. tell me who i was there with and i will know its you
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Craigslist Missed Connections - The Beginning

The yanks know Craigslist, but for the rest of you...

Craigslist is a posting website, where anyone can sell what they like, advertise for love (i.e. find a hooker), find a place to live or whatever. The Missed Connections section is for missed encounters, so if you saw someone you fancied in Wallmart, you can post that you saw that person in the queue and want to meet up. Who knows, maybe they'll see it! You might get lucky after all!

Or maybe you'll get some smug British man making fun of you.

One rule - I never reply to the posts, these Craigslist people don't need encouraging. Don't encourage them either, unless you're genuinely the person they searching for.

After indepth analysis of all the USA towns and cities (done by someone else, I'm busy! can't you tell?), the favourite by far is... Atlanta. My new best town ever. Let's get the ball rolling...