Monday, 16 February 2009

Valentine's Day Special!

Funny Craigslist Missed Connections adverts from Atlanta, Houston, New York and Miami. I'd like to say that love was in the air but...

Man has erection, will travel by rocket to your pants.
I Just Switched From Viagra To Cialis And...
I just switched from Viagra to Cialis (with a capitol C & V) and now my adventure capitol is flush with flesh. I'm ready for action at any time with out the need to prepare for an intimate encounter. Sort of like when I was 16, only I'm 55. Just one small daily dose and my rocket is ready for takeoff at a moments notice.

I've read some retarded things in my time. But trying to score drugs off Craigslist?
MC with My Dope Spot (Williamsburg)
Hey...I've been away from my favorite substance for years and have no clue where to cop and not get ripped off, etc. Anyone with advice, hit me back. Be willing to compensate someone who'd help.

Quite a normal nice advert really, but it's worth posting for using the phrase 'brain fart'. I have no idea what it means but I laughed. And that's all I care about.
Cute Girl Buying Phillies Blunt - m4w - 27 (miami)
Cute girl at the CVS off the US1 buying munchies and 2 cigars, you were wearing white shorts and sandals. You smiled at me and I must've looked like I didn't care, but I was running errands and had a brain fart. I should have said hello or something. I was the dude with the beard & striped shirt. Get back if you can, but if you can't, you have a wonderful Valentine's Day. :) 420

Paedophiles are so open these days!
uhd officer in the front - m4m - 24 (Downtown)
I love going to school to look at you in your uniform. Your really cute. If your into guys let me know.

'Walking like a proud shrimp'. Even has a picture of the mentioned shrimp. They look f*cking proud.
Horace the Manager of the Fish Deli
... you were walking like a proud shrimp today!--you walk so're shrimps today was too small or I would have got some just to fry the tails to perfection!....perfection! ps I will send a note to your bossman to tell him how gracias you are

Man stuck in relationship due to dependancy on man for money. Man needs a new relationship to get away from old relationship. Must have money. Frickin' moochers.
Marry UP - 25 (Montrose)
Hey guys, Hanging at Starbucks in Montrose. Trapped in a relationship I am forced to be in because my boyfriend takes care of me. I will be at Starbucks from 11-3 today. I prefer guys 30-55 who have a stable job and room in their place and heart for me. I cannot give out my number because my boyfriend pays for my cell phone and checks all the numbers I call. Please come by and rescue me. I need new relationship yesterday!!! My name is Geoff.

Jolie, you've outdone yourself
now you need to step down from your f'n high horse and start learnin' to lasso like a real cowgirl without all the cumbrous sentences. Jimbob was actually a good match for you even though he left your teeth in a cup at the motel in Jackson Hole. God Bless.

What sort of a bastard would take the piss out of a kid trying to get money to go to school? Me, thats who. Learn to spell chump, 18 years of school and you type this puddle of shite? And what the f*ck is going on with the picture??? Is the 'w' in 'pwease' intentional? I'm so angry, HULK SMASH.
take me shopping pwease - w4m - 18 (southwest)
hey im leaveing for school tuesday and i still havint gon school shopping i need someone to take meeh and sposer the trip can u help text meeh:) eight three 2 six three three twenty six zero2

Women like idiots, it's official. I have a chance.
to the douche-bag at the horseshoe last night - w4m - 27 (marina / cow hollow)
You had a classy v-neck t-shirt that was too small, and a suggestive hole in the crotch of your designer jeans. The whole time you were spilling tequilla shots on everone around you and proudly displaying your colorful panties. I found your spilling yours/mine/many other patrons drinks on my friends and me, coupled with your consequent steadfast and unfaltering ignoring of this douch bag move entirely irresistable.

Dirtiest pair of mouthes ever. They would make a good couple.
Morgan At C*ckBl*ck 2/14 - w4m
I spilled whiskey, you licked it up. You spilled your drink, I licked it up. Wish I asked for your number.

So is this a 50 year old man inviting women to a motel to smoke weed and crack? I like the addition of 'no weirdos' to the the end.
rocks and stems and sex - m4w - 56 (coral gables)
lets go shopping in the grove and then we can party at a nice motel while we blow smoke all over.............. must like to be eaten no weirdos please

Bruised ego?
Whiskey Blue - Thursday night - m4w - 37 (Atlanta)
To the attractive brunette who slapped me have serious anger management issues. I hope you get a good therapist soon, because you need one. Big time. I feel sorry for you. Now go and get yourself some help.

This is NOT an invite to get laid. I want to help you, I really do. With my hungry hungry dick.
Any woman SICK of the dating sites/night club scene/ perverted ads/ and fake men. HIT me up for an experience that you will never forget THIS is not an invite to get laid. Only serious woman who are hungry to express themselves. GOOD HUMOR MAN WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONDS.

I can f*ck for hours!!! - w4w (The park )
Mmm, remember that time you watched as me and my hombre were actin like we was fucking under the blanket and then we really started fucking? Or that time, you ate me out in the bathroom after I took a shower? Gimme a call...I want that back!

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