Friday, 20 February 2009

It's all about Craigslist quality, not quantity

I've been slack so no posts for a few days, but sometimes even I have things to do. That's a lie actually, but anyway.

Throw the net out! You're bound to get one eventually.
M4W Cute asian girl....
Attention all cute asian girls. If you noticed a young tall attractive white guy checking you out it was probably me. Send me a message. Thanks

A great revenge tactic, except now you've told him your plan! Silly moo.
Chayns - w4m - 32 (FM1960)
I am not going up there tonight. However I will be there Friday night, after I have dinner with my girlfriends. I need to talk to you!!! I heard that you are married! Is it true??? If It is true I all can say say is that you are a dirty bastard. I will get you back. I am going to fuck a bunch of men, and then make you eat my pussy! You asshole!!!

Amateur public masturbator can't get a phone number AND cum. These losers make me sick.
you couldn't stop looking - m4w - 19 (houston )
you cought me masterbating at the park and I didn,t notice you at first and when I did I couldn't stop. You watched me cum and then you smiled and just walked away. I have gone back several times but have not seen you sence If you read this email me

I've cut this one short because it's long long long. But what a great catchphrase...
All Lovin No Oven - m4w
Me: normal guy in search of a tasty frozen treat, but nothing typical. Prefer a bit of a song and dance along with lots of mixens. You: the tasty frozen treat with lots of mixens. Location: US 1 between North Palm Beach and Cold Stone Creamery Situation: When I was first presented with the opportunity to delve into the delectable delight more commonly known as 'All Lovin No Oven' I couldn't help but get carried away in the fantasy of Cake Batter Ice Cream, Cookie Dough, Fudge, and Whipped Cream. So with eager anticipation, I wait for my tasty treat.... and that's just it; I wait. AND WAIT. Oh, why have you forsaken me!? I have pledged my allegiance to you several times even when being open about our relationship caused me to be ostracized and outcast; a leper of the frozen mixed treat world! I must also confess, that I take even more pleasure in knowing that a pimply faced teenager took such pride in crafting this parfait perfecti... O SHUT UP FOOL.

My new 'I wanna fuck' line.
Need a nut like yesterday - m4w
just need to get off smme if you a cry baby dnt reply! I wanna beat it like a cop so if you want the same hollaa!

Gingers are gradually becoming rare. Which is a shame if you're the red-loving dude below.
Heretic Friday Night - m4m - 30 (Cheshire)
Enjoyed rubbing on that big package and seeing those red pubes. Who was the nelly guy with you though. Are you a couple? Available on teh side?

So many things to think about here. Valentine's Gun Show? With your mother? Next week he'll be posting that he's the guy 'with the uzi, shooting up your college, I'm the blond one'.
Valentines day gun show - m4w
I was the guy in his 20's I was there with my mother u were working the ticket booth and I wanted to chat and see were it would of gone u are very very good looking I was probally the only guy there that age I have blond hair if that helps your memory

I like a he-she with a sense of humour. Great band name too!
SkeletonDickLiveAtRudzThursday - m4w - 22 (Rudyard's Pub on Waugh)
I think I saw you on THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 19 AT RUDYARDS PUB at the SKELETON DICK SHOW. You bought me a beer. I was the one with the pants and the hair. You were female. If you are still female, please reply. If you are no longer female, please buy some duct tape and reply. Awaiting your DNA...

And finally, I'm a miserable cynic. The nice guy stole it, woman get a grip.
Scooter Crash Tuesday Night 10pmish - w4m - 30 (2nd and Market)
You held me. I was unconscious but only briefly they said. I dont recall much. other than some stranger holding me from behind cooing that everything would be ok. i cant tell you how comforting that silly statement was - over and over, 'you are gonna be ok.' once i got in the ambulance i dont recall seeing you - so here is my virtual thank you, in the highest form of thank yous. and since i am here, here is my 'go fuck yourself' to the douche that stole my cell phone during this horrific ordeal. thank you for adding to the difficulty.

Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Poetry poetry, o my love etc etc

Fuck me, today Atlanta was obsessed with writing poems for people that they're too scared to ask out in person. Come on pussies, grow some balls! I didn't put any of them in here because they were boring.

This guy stole all my best lines. Breeding koalas?
Your Grampa Invented Legos
We met at the USA Sevens on Saturday and you stored my number in your friends phone. You were fresh off the boat from Australia; I was the blond girl dressed in red, chillin with the cute asian girl. You claimed that your grandfather invented Legos (I doubted the validity of that claim, but thought that you were fun anyways... very easy on the eyes.). You also said that your friend's father breeds koalas. This is also doubtful, but regardless, I'd like to hang out again.

Not such an unusual advert on Craigslist, except they left out some important info, man or woman?

Awesome band name.
seeking goth girl at the NY comic con who had ur breasts signed - m4w (Greenwich Village)
you are awesome. check out my band, it's called Wormcult i'm on teh myspace

I'm not sure what you call a person who wants to have sex with trees, but I'm sure it exists. Any ideas people?
Home Depot Garden Dept, 6:30 pm - m4m - 50 (Coral Springs)
You: 6'1", probably 220", wearing a red longsleeved tshirt and driving a white BMW crossover Me: behind you in line at the outside register wearing an ugly purple shirt and red plaid shorts. I left in my white VW. Obviously I was playing golf earlier, hence the ugly clothes. You are too hot for my oven. I'd like to pour some of my palm tree fertilizer on you and see what grows or sprouts.

For years the popular British pass-time, 'dogging', hasn't taken off in the USA. Are we seeing the beginnings of something new and beautiful?
Haulover Beach Parking Lot (Haulover Nude Beach)
You walked up and peeked into our car while my girlfriend and I were fooling around after a day at the nude beach Sunday. You took your time changing at the car next to us. Did you like what you saw? Let me know what kind of cars you and I were driving and what you did as we pulled off so I know it's you.

This is the sort of message where he probably clicked 'confirm', then wondered what the hell he was thinking posting on Craigslist.

I like honesty.
I'm the ugliest guy on the Canarsie line - m4w - 24 (Bushwick)
But I've got wheels, and you want to go for a ride.

I just liked the person's name...
looking for Veronica Crump... - 43 (Lithonia)
Someone here must know Veronica Crump. Please let her know that I am looking for her. Thanks.

A brilliant advert, a great way to end the day.
I am man, I saw you woman, you looked and smiled! - m4w - 29 (Atlanta South to Macon)
If you are a woman that has had a sexual thought about a man lately and wondered if he would give you an orgasm or not? Then call me, cause I will and I am not that picky. Call: seven seven Ohhhhhhhhh, six six six, six six thirtytwo. I can come to you. I am 6'1" and white, 210 lbs, not fat, fairly athletic, with a high sex drive.

Monday, 16 February 2009

Valentine's Day Special!

Funny Craigslist Missed Connections adverts from Atlanta, Houston, New York and Miami. I'd like to say that love was in the air but...

Man has erection, will travel by rocket to your pants.
I Just Switched From Viagra To Cialis And...
I just switched from Viagra to Cialis (with a capitol C & V) and now my adventure capitol is flush with flesh. I'm ready for action at any time with out the need to prepare for an intimate encounter. Sort of like when I was 16, only I'm 55. Just one small daily dose and my rocket is ready for takeoff at a moments notice.

I've read some retarded things in my time. But trying to score drugs off Craigslist?
MC with My Dope Spot (Williamsburg)
Hey...I've been away from my favorite substance for years and have no clue where to cop and not get ripped off, etc. Anyone with advice, hit me back. Be willing to compensate someone who'd help.

Quite a normal nice advert really, but it's worth posting for using the phrase 'brain fart'. I have no idea what it means but I laughed. And that's all I care about.
Cute Girl Buying Phillies Blunt - m4w - 27 (miami)
Cute girl at the CVS off the US1 buying munchies and 2 cigars, you were wearing white shorts and sandals. You smiled at me and I must've looked like I didn't care, but I was running errands and had a brain fart. I should have said hello or something. I was the dude with the beard & striped shirt. Get back if you can, but if you can't, you have a wonderful Valentine's Day. :) 420

Paedophiles are so open these days!
uhd officer in the front - m4m - 24 (Downtown)
I love going to school to look at you in your uniform. Your really cute. If your into guys let me know.

'Walking like a proud shrimp'. Even has a picture of the mentioned shrimp. They look f*cking proud.
Horace the Manager of the Fish Deli
... you were walking like a proud shrimp today!--you walk so're shrimps today was too small or I would have got some just to fry the tails to perfection!....perfection! ps I will send a note to your bossman to tell him how gracias you are

Man stuck in relationship due to dependancy on man for money. Man needs a new relationship to get away from old relationship. Must have money. Frickin' moochers.
Marry UP - 25 (Montrose)
Hey guys, Hanging at Starbucks in Montrose. Trapped in a relationship I am forced to be in because my boyfriend takes care of me. I will be at Starbucks from 11-3 today. I prefer guys 30-55 who have a stable job and room in their place and heart for me. I cannot give out my number because my boyfriend pays for my cell phone and checks all the numbers I call. Please come by and rescue me. I need new relationship yesterday!!! My name is Geoff.

Jolie, you've outdone yourself
now you need to step down from your f'n high horse and start learnin' to lasso like a real cowgirl without all the cumbrous sentences. Jimbob was actually a good match for you even though he left your teeth in a cup at the motel in Jackson Hole. God Bless.

What sort of a bastard would take the piss out of a kid trying to get money to go to school? Me, thats who. Learn to spell chump, 18 years of school and you type this puddle of shite? And what the f*ck is going on with the picture??? Is the 'w' in 'pwease' intentional? I'm so angry, HULK SMASH.
take me shopping pwease - w4m - 18 (southwest)
hey im leaveing for school tuesday and i still havint gon school shopping i need someone to take meeh and sposer the trip can u help text meeh:) eight three 2 six three three twenty six zero2

Women like idiots, it's official. I have a chance.
to the douche-bag at the horseshoe last night - w4m - 27 (marina / cow hollow)
You had a classy v-neck t-shirt that was too small, and a suggestive hole in the crotch of your designer jeans. The whole time you were spilling tequilla shots on everone around you and proudly displaying your colorful panties. I found your spilling yours/mine/many other patrons drinks on my friends and me, coupled with your consequent steadfast and unfaltering ignoring of this douch bag move entirely irresistable.

Dirtiest pair of mouthes ever. They would make a good couple.
Morgan At C*ckBl*ck 2/14 - w4m
I spilled whiskey, you licked it up. You spilled your drink, I licked it up. Wish I asked for your number.

So is this a 50 year old man inviting women to a motel to smoke weed and crack? I like the addition of 'no weirdos' to the the end.
rocks and stems and sex - m4w - 56 (coral gables)
lets go shopping in the grove and then we can party at a nice motel while we blow smoke all over.............. must like to be eaten no weirdos please

Bruised ego?
Whiskey Blue - Thursday night - m4w - 37 (Atlanta)
To the attractive brunette who slapped me have serious anger management issues. I hope you get a good therapist soon, because you need one. Big time. I feel sorry for you. Now go and get yourself some help.

This is NOT an invite to get laid. I want to help you, I really do. With my hungry hungry dick.
Any woman SICK of the dating sites/night club scene/ perverted ads/ and fake men. HIT me up for an experience that you will never forget THIS is not an invite to get laid. Only serious woman who are hungry to express themselves. GOOD HUMOR MAN WAITING FOR YOUR RESPONDS.

I can f*ck for hours!!! - w4w (The park )
Mmm, remember that time you watched as me and my hombre were actin like we was fucking under the blanket and then we really started fucking? Or that time, you ate me out in the bathroom after I took a shower? Gimme a call...I want that back!

Thursday, 12 February 2009

Personal ad marriage proposal - good idea?

My favourite insult in Craigslist Missed Connections today was f*cktard tw@t.

Someone with more time to d1ck about than me replies to an earlier Craigslist advert.
I saw you, you were the nasty looking ho who kept staring at me. Contact me, I think I can make some money off you over on MLK if I clean you up a bit. Yea, you know I love you Baby...

I've not worked out who this is written to. Maybe he just wants to tell the world 'I LOVE T1TS!'
Miss looking at my buddy's wife - m4w (Houston)
My wife and I went on a vavcation with our friends...we eventually got the wifes to get topless on the beach. My buddy's wife had the most perfect set of t1ts. I got to jack off to them that evening. I sure miss looking at them! Too bad we could not be with them several weekends ago...think we might have swapped wifes! SH1T!

I'm not going to be mean about this one, it's sweet I think. I love the heart-ripping reference. MORTAL COMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!
i'm really missing you - m4w - 22 (sugar land)
you ripped out my heart like you were kano from mortal kombat I want it back

I wonder why he hasn't succeeded so far. Possibly the repeated assaults on her booty might be a factor?
Indian Girl on the B Train - m4w - 26 (Brooklyn)
You bumped into me on the B train. I touched your b*tt a few times but you didnt turn around :( I would like to touch it again....)

Um. eh? Picture included.
Unit: Android. Status: Tinkering. - m4w - 27 (Greenpoint)
Environment: Sopping Wet.
Olfactory: Biodiesel and WVO fumes.
Culprit: Hippiepants.

This has some amazing pun work, and I love the use of moobs. Never until now have I seen 'moobs' used in a sexual way.
Re: On Your Porch - m4m - 26 (Inwood Forest)
I had a great time too. All I got to say is we need to get baby oil, rip the sheets off of the waterbed, and rasttle naked. I can't wait to feel your moobs. I don't think my bf would mind, he likes to watch. I will dust off the sling in the attic and bust out the liquid latex for a great night in...and out...and back in again. Cum over and lets finger it out!

And finally... one of the most half-@rsed, crushingly sh1t marriage proposals I've ever seen.
my playmate
will u marry me terrifies even me USA USA!

Holy moly it, not sure how to describe it except it's like wikipedia. For maniacs. Read amazing articles on evolution (actually, they state that 'only 40% of Americans believe in evolution in 2005'. Suddenly the people on Craigslist start to make sense), how homosexuals are violent slags, and global warming isn't our fault. It's great, and by great I mean terrible.

I didn't even get to the section on Barack Obama, f*ck only knows what's written about him. He's probably a martian. a gay muslim martian.

Thank you America.

Wednesday, 11 February 2009

Mad Cow Disease

Nothing to do with Craigslist. At all.

Lazy lazy lazy and the ho didn't reply yet...

I've been slack today so no listings unless i get my arse in gear later on... However, I had time to write to the lady from yesterday demanding a sugar daddy. Yesterday's post read...

Any REAL SugarMen Available? - w4m - 22 (Nyc)
No GAMES.....SERIOUS Gentlemen Only! I know what you Want.... Seeking A Wealthy, Healthy, Respecful, Middle Aged, Generous BENEFACTOR for Fun Times, Pampering, Spoiling and NON Stop DISCREET Adult Fun With An Amazing Bombshell of a Vixen SUCH as Myself.....

So I replied to her, but she hasn't replied yet. I will follow this up, my money's as good as the next man.

Hey Sugar Tits, I've got over $40 in my pocket in crisp newish notes, fancy juggling my one testicle in your mouth? I tip well too. Jim

Tuesday, 10 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Tuesday

Personal Ads are fun until you wake up with your balls in your mouth

I curious to see what sort of responses this sort of advert gets, and how she responds! I shall reply, we'll see...
Any REAL SugarMen Available? - w4m - 22 (Nyc)
No GAMES.....SERIOUS Gentlemen Only! I know what you Want.... Seeking A Wealthy, Healthy, Respecful, Middle Aged, Generous BENEFACTOR for Fun Times, Pampering, Spoiling and NON Stop DISCREET Adult Fun With An Amazing Bombshell of a Vixen SUCH as Myself.....

Man turns up with a leg of lamb. Man not happy.

More meat. This time man eats pet cat.
the sexest cop ever - m4w - 30 (bushwick)
i know i did u wrong but i love u so much n miss u so much.i been dieing 2 c u again in that cop uniform u look so sexy if u read this u know who i im no 1 ever eat that p*ssy like me so call me you have my #

Carraturo (all over florida)
You can run but you can't hide... FINDJOHNCARRATURO.COM

Go get 'em tiger!
Bikini beach - Saturday Night - Blackberry in zebra rubber (1960)
I have a missed connection with whoever stole my blackberry saturday night::: To who the f*ck ever stole my blackberry 8310 that was in a zebra print rubber, GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK, it fell out of my hand and two mins later was turned off, I WORK AT THE CLUB AND AM SEVERLY P1SSED!!!! Also you were so effin stupid that you made a phone call off it, to a HOME NUMBER, well guess what, reverse phone search, I HAVE THE ADDRESS TO THE PEOPLE THAT YOU CALLED AND I WILL CALL THE POLICE AND GO TO THE HOUSE, I AM ON A HUNT FOR MY PHONE I HAVE ALOT ON THE PHONE AND I LOVE IT!!! GIVE ME MY PHONE OR SOMEONES GETTING IN ALOT OF TROUBLE YOU HAVE NO IDEA. You may reply to this email && i will tell you where to meet me to give me back my f*ckin blackberry and everything will be cool or you can meet me at whoevers house you called when i go there later, with the cops if my phone isnt on the way . ;)

The only thing that turns me on more than angry lesbians is unicorns.
Look how white everything is. - w4w - 28 (The L Train)
Miserable f*ck seeks a narcissistic double to feel a sense of shared superiority over all those happy ignoramuses via obsessive and pretentious and scrupulously copy-edited gchat convos. White people like me, or at least they ought to. Hipster-hating queers, cancerstick-sucking vegans, anti-intellectual intellectuals, and posttransexual upholders of the gender binary welcome. Passionate nihilism, boundary issues, and a propensity to escape reality via antisocial drinking a plus. Why be a dyke without drama. We missed each other because we were both trying to find shitty wikipedia articles. I like unicorns too.

Monday, 9 February 2009

Craigslist MC Monday

Best introduction name ever.
BLACK JEEP peidomnt christmas time - m4m - 43 (pidmont road)
met on peidmont raod at chrismas me italian cock sucker

So many obvious gags, extra meat with your taco etc.
Ever Horny at Taco Mac off East West Connector? - 22 (Austell)
I'm a server at Taco Mac is austell and see hot guys all day. Ever think you server is worth some fun send their name and If im them then we can play.

Pretty scary thing to happen on a Friday night... And there was a response too... Note man for woman.
You possibly saved me Friday night - m4w - 27 (Highlands)
I woke up bruised and bloody with a face full of marks. How I got them, I do not know and am hoping you can fill me in. It has been two days and the pain gets worse. My roommate overheard us talking as you left my front steps, without that I would not have even known you existed. This was around 3:30am. So, did you find me face down somewhere? did you run me over with a car? Were we walking together and I just tripped? I don't think any kind of fight, no blackeyes. My hands are fine, I didn't even try to catch myself. Please help me piece together the night. I remember absolutely nothing.

A reply to the above - potentially this person is the biggest head-fucker ever.
re...You possibly saved me Friday night - m4w - 27 (Highlands) (you were drunk )
OH !!wow!! yes i remember you ...we were all out drinking you were really drunk from what they had told me you were in the mens room looking at some guys private parts and he got mad & hit you ..gosh i hope your ok ...

This is brilliant, just brilliant. Yup throw that leg up like a dog ho! Or something equally ghetto.
THE PARTY AT BOONDOCKS - m4w - 25 (713)

This is graphic, I apologise. But in my book @nal warts are always funny. ALWAYS.
for the guy that f*cked me BB and later told me he was married - m4m - 27 (somewhere in Houston)
so I met you, I liked you, you liked me...We drank and drank all night long. You asked if you could come over, I agreed.. Because I was soooo drunk I let u f*ck me BB, before you left the next morning, you mentioned your wife and kids might be worried about your whereabouts. Although I did enjoy very much when u stuck ur meat pole up my sfincter all bare and gave me that manly geez that dripped down my b*tt cr@ck.. I should probably be honest myself and tell you to tell your wife not to worry about your whereabouts, but to worry more about the WARTS that appeared on my @sshole a week after you f*cked me raw.. please advice her that u have been f*cking gay boys raw and she might have some warts in her V@gina.. My best regards, the herpes in the @nus holding d*mbass...

Just talk to me already
I am a giraffe. a married giraffe that is. you are a rhino. we live within the same zoo. we did it and now you wont talk to me. I am sad. I am pregnant with our baby girhino. I never done it with a rhino before. why wont you talk to me. this board is crazy. cmon people.

Awesome justification at the end, a fist in the @rse in very healthy. And no flash photography please, it makes my buttocks look rubbish.
"on a whim fisting party" - m4m - 73
Just woke up from a nap and I'm horny. If i get more than 4 repsonses I'll host a fisting party in my condo. A little about me : 5'9, 160. balding with blue eyes. I do ask that you bring one canned food item per fist plunge so we can help achieve something positive in the process. All canned goods will be donated to a charity of your choice. I have a sling, dildoes, porn and popcorn if you're hungry. Age race not an issue but please have arms. Also no cameras allowed as the flash tends to not flatter my buttocks. (it's been a while since I've tanned). This can fun, healthy and worthwhile. Thanks.

Thursday, 5 February 2009

Funny Craigslist Missed Connections Wednesday

Houston, Miami and old faithful Atlanta dazzled me today. People seemed too be weird today. Is it a full moon?

What a compliment.
Oh Mary - m4w (Rktqnspace)
The one who's not so hairy...

Boobers. my word of the day.
poops! (To the left)
i wanna drink jager from your boobers...

A vicious reply to an initial post. Yet another reason why posting on Craigslist is insane.
RE:Former Coworker - Slow day - m4w - 36 (Westchase)
I know who you both are and I am about to rat you two out, after all you both deserve to be if you are going to cheat on your spouses!

This person should be in a ward. A locked ward.
To the fortune hunters looking for attention,
keep on keeping the pigeons cozy in the old underpants, releasing them occasionally to bring you back a few pussy willows to garnish the scrambled eggs you serve yourself each day.

A great response to an earlier ad. Finally someone posts a reason why they don't want to hook up with a person who looks for them on Craigslist.
Ref: you kept looking at me at joe's coffee - m4w (east atlanta)
Of course I kept looking at you, you were picking your nose, looking at your fingers and licking them, yuck. And what's with that pink shirt and spiked dyed hair? I left because I was afraid you might come over near me..

And of course I can't go a day without being amused by the gays ads. I may be missing the point here, but it seems to me that if you're gonna bum a guy through a glory hole then you really must think they're ugly. I don't understand.

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Wednesday

Today the theme seemed to be men turned on by farting women in Houston. Yes, it really was.

New modelling and entertainment company huh? Looking for models huh? Sure I believe you.
Lookn 4 Real Woman - 19 (Georgia)
I Have A entertainment Company Thats Coming Up And We Are Lookn For Up And Coming Dancers And Models Get At Me If You Wanna Be Down

This girl he's looking for sounds kind of great. I'd marry any girl that told me that I 'want that burrito up my @ss like a f*ggot bitch'. Wow.
You called him midget Dik - m4w - 29 (Humble)
You were at Taco Bell on Sunday afternoon wearing a LV Cashmere sweater and long blond hair with some tight spandex pants. You were with a much older man that Resembled Mr. Rogers , which I thought was your dad but ended up being your boyfriend you kept staring at me and when I sat down you sat doen right across from me, I kept hearing you talking to him calling him names like midget d1k and frog lips, you even called him sausage face, you kept degrading him and I think he liked it, especially when you told him if he wants that burrito up his @ss like a f*ggot b1tch he is. Anyways y, too make a long story short I really digged you and want to know if you want to go out and do something this weekend. I was the one wearing the bycicle shorts and yellow shirt, and No that wasnt a banana in my pocket I was just excited to see you. : )

Nothing special here, except he has a profile on an amusing sounding site.
Galleria Mall - m4m - 22 (Atlanta)
We chatted a bit outside the mall. Name is Ben you were Brent. I think we should get to know each other, you're very cute. I have a pfoile on, hit me up there

I don't care what anyone says, farting is funny. Girls farting is even funnier. Girls farting in men's faces by mistake? Life-affirming.
You Passed Gas While Dancin At Chayn's - m4w (Houston)
The smell actually turned me on. Would love to see you again...

And last, but definitely not least... This is amazing. I particularly like the way the guy is obviously trying to minimise the embarassment for the girl, by explaining the entire situation in huge detail. Yup that'll work mate. Go on, put her full name in there while you're at it.
you put your ass in my face and passed gas - m4w - 28 (Woodlands)
We were at the ninth hole, and you were dancing on me while I was sitting down, then you bent over and backed up and put your ass in my face, I grabbed it and all of a sudden you let one rip right in my face, everybody started laughing but I felt bad , the look on your face, I know you were embarrased and ran out crying, I know it was an accident. I only ran after you to tell you it was allright but you were pretty upset, and told me your stomach was bubblin you had to get home pretty fast, you gave me your # but i just remembered the first 6 NUMBERS. your name is Lin Shan Wu and live in the woodlands. if anybody knows her tell her Jaime wants to meet her and put this behind us.

Tuesday, 3 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections - Tuesday

New York, Houston, Atlanta, Miami, o so many towns, so little time.

Avoid this girl, she stinks.
want to be the safe zone - 22 (miami)
why cant i just meet someone and automatically wear my ugly pants, rock my crazy hair, and not hide that i'm gassy? life could be so much easier.

I want to play!
Throwing frogs...
was fun with you. I want to do it again. Can we?
I thought he was going quite well till he threw in the Paris Hilton line.
Serra Mesa MILF - m4w - 26 (Mobley at your friend's house)
You're beautiful. We only met briefly, and it was a while ago, but I saw the look in your eye. We definitely had a missed connection. I randomly think of you and wonder what could have been. You look a bit like an older Paris Hilton. You are amazing. Let's do something very soon!

Dude, don't be such a pussy.
To the girl who beat me up at the mall yesterday - m4w - 25 (downtown / civic / van ness)
That was a real trailer trash thing to do. I guess your behavior matches the slutty clothes you were wearing.

I don't want commitment. Is marriage commitment?
Curly haired sexy lesbian at Nice Guy Eddies - w4w - 26 (L.E.S.)
Dear hot curly haired, tattoo lesbian (aka Morgan), You are so sexy and I want to finally meet you face to face. Its cold. Lets warm each other up. I think I want to marry you. But I dont want a relationship or anything. Love you sexy, MD

Strange, but I like the cut of their jib.
purple words
hahahaha! Fuck you fastmail coward fucking loser! You are daddys girl a boozer like daddy!! Hahahaha!!!!

This guy seems to have good information. he thinks fuck the police, they can't be trusted, where else can I find trustworthy people? Aaaaaahhhh yes. Actually, quite a heavy advert.
Murder in Jasper, Georgia
If any persons of authority are looking for the perp. that committed the murder of a male in Jasper...The perp is Cary or Cory...his brother, who by the way is wanted, is living in the trailer behind "Neese Transmission" in woodstock, GA on Cherokee Hwy......along with other 'wanted' individuals. I have additional information from other sources...warning, there are several aggressive dogs on property...a green chevrolet pick up, a big newer model pick several non running abandoned vehicles...etc..a large shop building....drugs...convicted murderer also resides there, he was acquited in court..but...

$50 an hour? To have some nutter suck my toes? For $20 an hour I'll put the pool ball right back in my mouth and ingest my testicles sumo-style. Yes submissive worm, they're my feet, suck them, harder etc.
hi young colege girls want to earn some money i love LICKING AND SUCKING FEET 50/HR I AM VERY SUBMISSIVE AND LOOKING TO BE SUBMISSIVE NO SEX ONLY FEET WORSHIPPING i am very serious only serious girls need reply

Monday, 2 February 2009

Craigslist Missed Connections Monday

Lady feels a missed connection with a convict, in a chain gang on the side of the road. Seriously, you can't make this sh1t up. Unless they actually do. I hope not, the 'impale my heart' line is too special.
Chain gang on 45 - w4m - 25 (Huntsville)
I passed you guys yesterday while on my way back to Houston after visiting my boyfriend. You were holding a trash bag and a pointy stick (to impale my heart?). I was going about 60, but slowed down to check you out. Let me know what color my car was so I know it was you. I liked your jumpsuit, but I think it would look better on the floor of your cell. Put me on your visitor list. Let's get to know each other... conjugally.

My favourite today. A novel compliment.
Mason - w4m - 20 (Hollywood)
You're fucking hot. Deal with it.

If I don't get drawn nude in the next hour my f*cking HEAD WILL EXPLODE. HURRY WOMAN, HURRY.
i want you to draw me nude, or just your company. please let me know where you are.

Free hooker? Sorry, free racist hooker.
montrose clinic hooker - m4m
he still works there he will be the first one you see when you walk in and if you are black he will give up his soupy a** for free.

This was a response to a number of ads and replies about whether you can really love a stripper. I think this person summed it up well.
RE: Who falls in love with a stripper? - w4m - m4w - m4w
Strippers are people too. I for one love my strippers.

Sunday, 1 February 2009

Saturday & Sunday Craigslist Missed Connections Funny Personal Ads

Theme this weekend seemed to be men looking for women they met at Hooters. Has anyone ever actually picked up a waitress from Hooters? Also, Atlanta had a lot of love for Asia this weekend too.

Buffalo Bill places his first advert on Craigslist Missed Connections.

Caribou Coffee - m4m (Edgewood)
You asked for the bathroom key and then went back to grab your newspaper. You might be in there for awhile but I hope you come out soon. I'd love to make a pillow out of your pelt.

I wonder how many people called "Roger Meazley" replied to this one.
Who is Roger Meazley? - 25 (Atl)
Hey I heard s story about a buy named Roger Meazley, apparently he won some money recently and decided that he's going to give it away to some random person on the street. I saw something about it on YouTube and wanted to know if it/he was real or not.

WOW. The 2 pictures were actually in the advert too.
big eyes, blue shadow - w4w (port. center)
you indian(the dot kind) woman with voluptuous lips, blue eyeshadow, and the whitest teeth i have ever seen. i want to rub my feather on your hairy legs. want to be my scissor sister?

Straight to the point.
Hey Indian boy (you know who you are) ... I want to suck your dick!!! - m4m
You know who you are, and you know who I am (I think) ... so what are you waiting for, red car driver? :)